The White Lady Just Doesn’t Get It: A Response to Maureen Dowd’s “Critique’ of Michelle Obama
by Dax-Devlon Ross
Although she doesn’t seem to realize it (nor do I suspect she would admit as much if confronted with the fact), Maureen Dowd’s admiration for “cheeky women” who “puncture the ego of a cocky guy” comes with a caveat: the women have to be white. She can be a Hollywood star from a bygone era, Katie Kouric or Cybil Shepherd; she can’t be Michelle Obama. But don’t dare tell Ms. Dowd this because she, like all too many liberal-minded Americans, would be appalled by the suggestion that race has anything to do with her distaste for Michelle Obama’s attitude toward her husband. For her, the discomfort she feels with Mrs. Obama’s “cheeky” remarks about her candidate husband has everything to do with Senator Obama’s candidacy. According to Dowd at least, Obama’s entire campaign rests on his “Camelot Mystique” rather than an actual record, therefore his wife is doing him a disservice by “mocking” him in public.
Interestingly enough, Dowd sees herself as coming to Senator Obama’s defense, when in reality she is only stoking the flames of the always tense black woman-black man-white woman triangle. She is, in effect, contributing to a pervasive stereotype within the black community (and perhaps outside of it as well)— namely that black women pull black men down and are to blame for pushing them into the arms of white women. Writes Dowd,
I wince a bit when Michelle Obama chides her husband as a mere mortal – a comic routine that rests on the presumption that we see him as a god.
The tweaking takes place at fundraisers, where Michelle wants to lift the veil on their home life a bit and give the folks their money’s worth.
At the big Hollywood fundraiser for Sen. Obama in February, Michelle came on strong.
“I am always a little amazed at the response that people get when they hear from Barack,” she told the crowd at the Beverly Hilton, as her husband stood by looking like a puppy being scolded, reported Hud Morgan of Men’s Vogue. “A great man, a wonderful man. But still a man.
“I have some difficulty reconciling the two images I have of Barack Obama. There’s Barack Obama the phenomenon. He’s an amazing orator, Harvard Law Review, or whatever it was, law professor, bestselling author, Grammy winner.
“And then there’s the Barack Obama that lives with me in my house, and that guy’s a little less impressive. For some reason this guy still can’t manage to put the butter up when he makes toast, secure the bread so that it doesn’t get stale, and his 5-year-old is still better at making the bed than he is.”
When I wrote about the Santa-Clausification of Jackie Robinson a couple of Mondays ago, this is exactly what I had in mind. Too often, the “good black” has to be a Christ-like figure, a man or woman beyond any critical assessment and moral judgment. This is because, historically speaking, in order for white America to accept blacks as equals worthy of their support, they have had to be nearly other-worldy or ‘god-like,’ as Dowd points out.
Dowd’s critique of Michelle Obama fails to appreciate at least two main features of what I see as Mrs. Obama’s approach to humanizing her husband—one political; one cultural.
Dowd’s main criticism stems from her sense that Mrs. Obama is misreading the American public. In her estimation, Michelle’s approach is flawed primarily because instead of making her husband look human, it makes him look a little foolish.
My reading is a little different. I see a woman, a possible future First Lady, establishing a new precedent for the role the First Lady plays before the public. We, of course, know that Hillary Clinton and Eleanor Roosevelt pulled many behind-the-scenes strings, but Mrs. Obama seems to be taking a more radical step than even they did by establishing her outspokenness even before moving into the White House. She is saying to the American public, ‘This is me. This has always been me. This will always be me. Do not expect me to change. If you vote for my husband, then understand this is what you are getting yourself into.’
By the same token, Mrs. Obama is making certain that the American public does not mislead itself about her husband in order to satisfy its own as yet unresolved race conscience. Barack Obama is a man. He makes mistakes. He will not be perfect in office just as he is not perfect at home. Whether Dowd realizes this or not, too, too many Americans have yet to integrate Senator Obama’s humannness into their consciousness. To them, he is still a sensation, a prophet of some kind, a symbol of the American ethnic melting-pot, an emblem of upward mobility. Anything but a flesh and blood man.
Ultimately, you can only respect Michelle’s approach and acknowledge that, after looking at Laura Bush’s plastic smile while her husband ran the world into the ground for eight years, it is a welcome change that provides for a fascinating sub-plot to the main stories: the first woman or first African-American residing in the White House. The possibility of Bill Clinton becoming the first male First Spouse (not to mention that former Leader of the Free World thing) ain’t got nothin’ on Michelle Obama becoming the first African-American First Lady.
Beneath Dowd’s critique of Mrs. Obama lies another incendiary land mine that must be diffused: the suggestion that, perhaps, there is conflict at home. Dowd wouldn’t dare come out and make such a claim, but she does write “that [Mrs. Obama’s] career had caused her husband discomfort” (a misreading of a Chicago Tribune article on Mrs. Obama), and that she “wants us to know that she’s not polishing the pedestal.” Both remarks, along with the hint that Michelle’s chiding risked “emasculating” Obama, reveal how little Dowd (and those who think like her) understand the ways black men and women relate to one another, and that is different than other ethnic groups. The historical circumstances black men and women have faced in this country have required women to develop an independence from their men that has ultimately put a strain on the relationship. Because of the prolonged physical and psychological assault on black masculinity, black women have not had the “luxury” of being able to rely on black men to provide for them or their children as others have. They had to go out into the workforce long before suburban housewives became fed-up with their insulated lives. They had to accept the reality of single parenting long before other women began to explore it as an “option.”
Barack Obama has said time and time again that he admires and relies upon his wife’s strength. Before the 2004 DNC speech that thrust him into limelight, she was the one he turned to when he nervously awaited his call to the podium. “Just don’t screw it up, Buddy!” Michelle told him, and instantly the tension was broken with shared laughter. In the same Tribune article that Dowd loosely paraphrased from, Obama was quoted as saying “There’s something about her that projects such honesty and strength. It’s what makes her such an unbelievable professional, and partner, and mother, and wife.” Far from “emasculating” her husband, Michelle Obama sees her husband as one of the few men she’s met “who is not intimidated by strong women.”
“He relishes the fact that I’m not impressed by him,” she has said.
Michelle Obama didn’t go to Princeton and Harvard Law just to meet a husband. She went to those schools because she had intelligence and ambition and because she was preparing to make a life for herself. When she first met Barack, she made it clear to him that her career was a priority. Only by persistence did he eventually win his way into her heart. Even their marriage and family is no matter of convenience, no window dressing designed to facilitate his political ascent. She demands that he participate as a fully-functioning family member. In all likelihood Dowd wouldn’t disagree that family responsibility is imminently important, but what she seems to believe is that “mundane” family matters have no place in the public arena, that they only dull the sparkle of political spectacle. Again, she is wrong. If our leaders are to lead, then they must reflect the values we should all aspire to in every aspect of their lives, not just those captured for the camera. By playfully pointing out her husbands flaws, Michelle Obama is doing exactly what Americans need their leaders to do more of: putting the family front and center. By completely “white-washing” the racial undertones of her criticism, Dowd does precisely what America needs less of: evading the obvious.
Excellent.
Black folk and white folk are DIFFERENT. Michelle Obama is probably the ideal cut of Black Woman for the White House.
The tragedy is that Maureen Dowd acts like Michelle Obama is out there messing it up for her husband by speaking her mind in defiance of his campaign structure.
Her responses are just as calculated as his are. Trust.
Shes been doing this for 3 years. If it wasn’t done with the blessing of the campaign, she would have stopped by now.
I think that in todays society that it is not just “White America” that is placing judgements upon Blacks, but “Blacks” in general that are stereotyping their own people. In one breath Black America are saying that woman is a mans equal, but in the next breath saying that are place is behind them instead of beside them. I do not agree with Dowd’s article “She’s Not Buttering Him Up,”she clearly states her point of view from the outside looking in, but who are we to say what is correct about someonelse’s lifestyle? certainly not I.
THis is so awesome I can’t even begin would you mind if i link you? and respond?
[…] Jump to Comments I was waiting for someone to knock this liberal card house down, and the HNIC Report did just that in a keenly worded post on just how frustrated Maureen Dowd is that Michelle Obama […]
That someone must know you or search for this viewpoint on the Internet illustrates your points. However, what this piece even more poignant is the thought: where can we find are black women on the Internet, or anywhere for that matter, who are up in arms about the “wanna-be sultry” Ms. Dowd’s statements?
where can we find are black women on the Internet, or anywhere for that matter, who are up in arms about the “wanna-be sultry” Ms. Dowd’s statements?
I think Ms. Dowd no longer reaches the general population as she is a ‘Times Select’ columnist. Either y0u pay a fee to read her; or use a student account; or specifically search her out when a blogger in Taiwan posts the Times Select columns in full. Or you live in NY, and the NYT is your local paper.
here’s one dwil..I don’t have a m’ship so I have to get what I can from times select until I get the inevitable forward.
😉 dbl
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I’m going to fire this post off to get other black women up in arms.
Great article! Great conversation!
Michelle Obama is a stellar woman in her own right, no doubt about it. And she would make an an excellent First Lady.
I worked on Jesse Jackson’s campaigns and I can tell you that America’s response to Barack Obama’s candidacy is like night and day compared to the media response to Jackson’s candidacy. Essentially, no one in the media wanted to believe Jackson could win a single white vote until he won a few states, including Michigan. But polls show Obama with probably three quarters of his support coming from whites and few people doubting whether a Black man can win white votes. Now the question is whether he can win more white votes than Hillary Clinton.
We need to focus on the fact that there will be two national posts open in 2008: President AND Vice President. It is not unimaginable that the white male monopoly on BOTH of these posts could end in 2008.
Michelle Obama is the only thing that makes Obama seem remotely attractive to me as a potential President. Sistah strives to “keep it real” in every way and every day. That’s impressive. She is not the high-powered professional and perfectly coiffured clotheshorse and pretentious socialite that most of these brothas latch onto. She’s more than a job title. This sistah is real. If Barack knows what is good for him, he will unleash her as often as family demands will allow.
I agree wholeheartedly. However, I am a little torn because, I understand what Dowd was saying and in many ways it is the cross that wives and husbands of all politicians must go through when describing their husband to people who think they walk on water just because they give a speech or two. It is something that Mrs. Obama will get better at as she has more experience. I often think back to Martin Kings wife and Malcolm X’s wife. You knew that they probably were always icons at home. However, these women never said anything that lead others to ridcule their husbands. I think she will definately get better at her descriptions of his home life in time.
However, this does also speak to the difference between the way black women treat their spouses and other women. Black relationships are, at their best true partnerships and humor is used to disffuse situtations from racism to who is going to do the dishes. It is the way we deal with each other.
Finaly, I also think Mrs. Obama is trying to save her husbands life. Once white people start to see a black man as strong his days are numbered in this nation. She knows that history. She is telling the white world that this is just a man, not an icon or symbol for you to kill. THis is my husband, the father of my children and the man who can’t make the bed. She is humanizing him in hopes that this will keep him alive. You must realize that he now has secret service protection. I am sure there are white people out there who have threatened his life already. Michele Obama, I believe, is taking this tactic in hopes that if they see him as a flawed human they will not kill him.
Ms. Dowd is a regular here in Virginia. I read this one in our local paper and laughed. I took it as “she just DOESN’T get it…”
My wife is just like Michelle, she stays on me. I appreciate her for that. I am sure Obama appreciates his wife for just him and not the image of this uber leader who is going to lead us to the promised land.
Really great post.
I take Mrs. O’s frank demeanor as a way of reminding people that her husband is not above or beneath human, the way many would want to believe. It also might be a way of trying to remind folks (and you know who I mean) not to make him into this “superhero”, so that when/if he makes a mistake, people won’t get the lynch mob after him.
“He’s just a man” = he is HUMAN.
Quips about the butter and making the bed are just ways of reminding the suburban housewives that he’s really not all that different than the guy they have at home (except for the fact he’s just plain brilliant.)
No, Dowd doesn’t get it, but should we really expect her to?
I worked in national politics for 7 years. I think one of the most difficult “positions” on a campaign is that of the spouse.
It’s not the kind of role anyone or anything can prepare you for. Everyone is going to have their opinions and second guess her but I get the sense she has a strong sense of self and will be just fine.
Here here!!
Perhaps the Obamas are trying to portray Barack as a real person as opposed to some mythical phenomenon. I’m a black Canadian and my thought is that it couldn’t hurt for the rest of the world to see the next American president (whoever he or she is) as a likable person, with real foibles, a sense of humor, and no delusions of grandeur – just like ‘regular folk.’
Great commentary….simply great.
While I can’t agree with Ms. Dowd, I have to say that I cringed when I heard Mrs. Obama say something like, “I have a big mouth. That’s why he can be president…because he can handle me.” Do we (Black women) always have to be the ones with the big mouth? Really? Is Jackie O any less of a First Lady because of her reserved, softspoken image? Makes me think of some little “bad butt” girls I work with…just because you can talk, doesn’t mean you should…silence can be golden.
Having once been a recipient of “little zingers” (my late husband was a minister), I can tell you, it’s not cute and it’s not humanizing — it’s embarrassing! It’s also nerve wrecking because you don’t know what he/she is going to say next! He once quipped across the pulpit that I “didn’t iron his handkerchiefs” (totally ignoring the fact that he held no regular job, that our baby was born sick and needed a lot of attention and that I was up and down with this sick baby all night long while he peacefully slept and while I held full-time job–that I went back to work prematurely not waiting for the six-week checkup and, oh yes — he did not have any handkerchiefs!). I could not talk him into stopping and it was frustrating! She is not his mother — she is his wife — and in this she should be supportive and positive. I don’t care how much education she has, she is being ignorant! And, should her little shenanigans cost him the White House, it will be a shame. Not only that — it will add a sense of redemption and validation to all of our black men who marry outside of the race because they stereotypically feel black women are emasculating and non-supportive. The old adage — “If you can’t say something nice about a person, don’t say anything at all” — truly applies in this case. And, it is not a leap to think — if he can’t control his wife’s mouth — how can he control a whole country? If he can’t get his wife to respect him, how can we? And, while she may not wish to respect him, we so much want to!
Great commentary….well done.
[…] Value of Michelle Obama The HNIC has it right. Regardless of the outcome of the election, Michelle Obama may well be worth her weight in […]
I feel that Michelle is only trying to express her feeling toward the fact that they are also only human, and his being president doesn’t change her views on the quality of life she wants for her family. At the same time I would never air my dirty landry or give people outside of myself and my signifigant other amunition to degrade me or my husband. I am a stong believer in “what goes on in my house, stays in my house.”